TEHCC Humor
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Last Revised: March 08, 2007
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Life is stranger than fiction, so the saying goes. This page is dedicated to
those things, real and imagined, that add some laughter to what we do. If you have
something to add to this page, please contact the .
 | Comment cards received by the U.S. Forest Service:
 | "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter." |
| "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections." |
| "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands." |
| "Too many bugs, leeches, spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to
rid the area of these pests." |
| "Chair lifts need to be in some places so we can get to the wonderful views without
having to hike to them." |
| "A McDonald’s would be nice at the trailhead." |
| "Need more signs to keep the area pristine."
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| Our ATC Regional Representative once suggested that we use dynamite to clear blowdowns
in wilderness areas. The use of chainsaws is not allowed in wilderness areas, but
dynamite is OK.
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| TEHCC Top 25 Paddling Phrases (Contributed by Ed Montgomery)
1. It's outside my comfort zone (used to avoid paddling a tough stream).
2. I lost my concentration (used after a spill/swim).
3. Everyone got their keys? (question before making the shuttle run).
4. Did anyone bring an extra spray skirt? (Kayaker has memory loss).
5. Hey, I was just cleaning my shoes (used for swims in flat water).
6. Awww, you can handle this, it eases up after the next rapid (D. Ingram coaching).
7. Gear at the top, beer at the bottom (Cardinal rule).
8. That's tied good enough, it's a short shuttle (short shuttle rule).
9. I think one more boat will fit (on YOUR rack).
10. It was GREAT! (used after each thrilling whitewater experience).
11. The better the paddler, the smaller the rope, the fewer the knots.
12. Follow me (used immediately before getting stuck on a rock).
13. Will trade H2O for beer (used when your fellow paddler forgets H2O).
14. My dry bag and dry clothes are at the put-in, my lunch is at the take-out.
15. That was a boney run.
16. That's a keeper hole.
17. Nice combat roll.
18. Buddy, it was churning! (another Ingramism, on high water conditions).
19. Can you roll that thing? (most commonly asked question by land lovers).
20. Let's take an alternate route (for a change).
21. This river is FULL of rocks!! (Aluminum boat owner).
22. Are you gonna eat ALL that sandwich? (eyeing T Pridgen's lunch).
23. Are we going to stop for a real lunch break? (B. Dayvolt consults D. Ingram).
24. Is that whitewater I hear?
25. ROPE!!!!!
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| Garry Luttrell composed the following, after a full day of driving an
Alltrack tracked vehicle to move gravel for the Round Bald relocation in
March 2001. Sung to the Tennessee Ernie Ford tune "Sixteen
Tons".
Ballad of Roan 'cats
"Ya load 16 tons and what do you get?
Slammed by a 'cat and my back's offset.
Ed don't ya call me cause I can't go,
My wife's tired a hear'n 'bout my back being sore.
Ya load 16 tons and what do you get?
Gloom, despair, pain, and regret.
The frosty Roan wind makes my feet so cold,
But something keeps me going, 'cause I'm not too old"
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| From the Moreland Gap shelter log:
"I was hiking today trying to take my mind off the pointless ups and
downs when I missed a white blaze and got off the trail. I was not
immediately concerned until I came across some brimstone and a lake of
fire. In the middle of the lake was a man sitting at a desk. He
looked up at me and asked me my name. "Sleepy the Arab" I
replied. He consulted the book on his desk and a puzzled look came
over his face. "Hmmmmm, he said, you are not due here until
2047. I squirmed uneasily. He looked up at me: Are you a
thru-hiker? he asked. "Yes" I replied. Shaking his
head, he clocked the intercom on his desk. A deep voice resonated over
the speaker: "Yes". The man at the desk said into the
speaker: "Please call the Tennessee Eastman Hiking Club and tell them
if they wish to continue to use this level of hell for this section of the
A.T., then they must mark the trail better. Be polite but firm, this
is the 8th thru-hiker we have had today." He looked up at me and
apologized. I sighed in relief. As he gave me directions back to
the trail, I asked him if there was any drinkable water in the
section. "Of course not, this is Hell", he replied. I
went on my way.
Sleepy the Arab, Moreland Gap Shelter, May 2001
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Contributed by Ray Bell of Delmar, New York
"If you want to do the A.T. in Tennessee you have to learn to enjoy
suffering."
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